Uh Oh

The next move
requires a
Big Surrender
He says.

Unlike anything I’ve ever known.
A giving up of
the way I thought the physical world worked.

I feel
all tight inside.

How did all these pieces constellate?

I thought I knew exactly where I was going,
but I didn’t know.
I thought I was driving towards
inner healing and personal sovereignty.

I thought I was driving my own train,
but somebody else has been oiling the cogs.
Always Is.

Like a candle in the darkness,
we think we are the light.
We are the wide, boundless darkness.
The world stretches out in us
and around us.
We’re no longer on a straight path.
We’re in the round bowl of the world.

Weird feelings of
acting an old way
looking to the future,
holding old chains,
afraid to let them dissolve into the firmament,
trying to be there.

It’s scary.
It hurts.

Something’s about to break.

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Alright, You Royal Smartass

Motherfucker.

You’re trying to scoop me out.

My ego doesn’t like this.
But my soul and body are tired.

You’re trying to blow me away
into the wide bowl of the World.
Vulnerability, magnanimity, wideness, stillness,
and a bunch of other crazy hooligans I don’t know!

Asking you why it’s such a struggle,
You say it’s because I want the fight.
Turns out,
I like my old trash and all the crustiness.
Ahhhh,
motherfucker.

I’m tired,
and yet you dare
to show me signs of Wholeness?!
Well, you Royal Smartass and Divine Pain in the Butt,
I’ve been down this road before.
That glimmer of the glittering image
isn’t tantalizing.
I’m tired.

Is this Thing
really worth all the
surgery we’re about to do?

I suppose I gave you my consent form somewhere,
signed a silent X in my dreams.
I suppose it’s worth it
for Life…

Isn’t it, Doc?

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Finding the Friend

When you find the emptiness inside yourself, black and stark,
don’t think you are worthless!
There is the place to find the Friend!

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Krishna Kanhaiya

Oh, you’re so lovely I could break!
With all your garlands of soft flowers
your soft and colorful fabrics,
You’re the most approachable form of God.
So gentle, I could cry.

So much love.
So much!

I start to feel it in my own chest,
and Friend,
it scares me.

Because
What if my ego breaks?
My container has been so small,
and now you’re coming to me?
Do you think I can hold That?!

What if
when
my heart becomes as big as my body,
someone uses me and I’m not safe anymore?
I’m human!

So,
God Most Approachable,
I’m asking you this.

Little soul
wants an answer from Big Soul.

Before I roll out on the town with you,
it’s high time
You give me an answer and
soothe my fearful mind!

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For A Friend

Remember, when the Universe pulls you in to the black void
it’s pulling you closer to Itself
In these moments,
it is betting that you can survive the dissolution again.
It did it to you the first time
and you answered its call.
You survived. You grew!

You know the fruits of the darkness.
In a flash, old stories are cleaved away
They go up in cold smoke.
Suddenly, after the shattering crash,
the wandering path
turns as straight as God’s ruler,
and you become the lodestone to your own gold.

Remember that you’ve been here before.
Know that this chaos is love pulling you towards itself.

Remember how,
last time,
after you felt into it and listened and breathed,
after you let yourself fall into it and the storm calmed,
the world shone with soft affection
and dazzling vibrancy?
How the green leaves had golden halos
and how the sky was so robin’s egg blue?
Remember how new you felt?
How dazzled you were at the whole world, inside and out?

It will happen again.
After this has passed,
the World will dazzle you again,
this time with so much more stunning color,
this time even steadier,
more eternally here, right now.

You know the tune of the Universe,
you know enough about how it moves.
The Universe is with you.
The Beloved is in you.
And That That Is can never abandon Itself.

It once crashed you in,
and it crashed you in so hard,
now it has to crash you again to bust you out,
back
into a vibrant, effulgent world of which you have had glimpses
but have never yet found a home in.

It’s here.
It’s all here.
Support and friends are everywhere,
here in this person, this face you’ve seen a thousand times,
this is the Beloved making a form to witness Itself as Itself.
Can you feel this truth in your rawness? In the stunning silence of this moment?

Your tears and shock and indignation now
will lead you to radical, effortless freedom.

I know what you’re looking for.
The Beloved knows what you want.
The Beloved knows because
there is only subject in the world, no object.
There is no separation between the Beloved and the Loved.
You can’t have a relationship with the Beloved,
for you are the Beloved.

Ask and you shall receive?
No.
Remember, time is just a creation of mind.
Ask,
and it has already been given.
This goes far beyond trust,
for trust happens in time,
in the mind.
Intuit it.
Feel it so deep in your gut
you can see the cozy deep black of space and the shining light of galaxies there.
That is all
you’ll
ever
have to do.

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When the Universe Comes Knocking

When the Universe comes knocking,
We roll.
We pull out the shiny red car from the old garage
We put streamers and bells and whistles on it.
We move over to the passenger seat,
And with a big, relieved grin, we say,
“Baby, you drive!”

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Strings of Mind

Hey, Hey, God,
Take all the straight strings of my mind
and twist them
into a rainbow circle
and wear it
around the ankle above your feet.

I told you I want to be the village idiot
like that drunkard, Rumi,
but at the moment,
I am on the star farthest from.

I told you I’m done playing the game,
and yet I still stick the sword of knowledge in my heart
and play this game with zealous abandon.

Do we have to keep fighting
like a couple
who thinks
they’ve gotten used to each other’s ways?

Let’s settle down
and hold hands
and drink a cup of tea together
without saying a word,
And how about you whisper
some more of your secrets to me, Love?

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