You know what he did at Dakshapur and Kulinda
He called out Uma because he knew she was Parvati Durga
With a conch and bhang and objectless laughter
Whoever named this guy Shankar?
He’s a clown!
He’s a drunk!
He smears himself with ashes and dances with the horde!
Maybe they knew–down is the way up
Maybe they knew
in the world of no distinction there is cosmic peace.
Parvati went out to him cawing in delight and dancing
on the edge of the city
Jagatdeshwari met up with Mahadev
And they danced the Double Tandav.
Did you know the secret of how he drank the poison and survived?
She was there.
It burned so bad but he held it
she was holding him
as he let the poison burn out in his body.
That scoundrel Krishna seems to be a fine topic for cosmic love,
But the real couple of union is
Shyamaa and Shankar,
Parvati and Jatadhari,
Uma and Bolenaath,
Parvati Durga and Shiva!
Sadness and Awe mix
as I watch my future coming.
I think You tagged me.
I didn’t know it.
Such a weird space.
“We’re waiting for it to drop,” You say.
I don’t think it will.
You say it’s coming.
I don’t want this.
I must have said yes in some other lifetime,
in dreams I dreamed of Now a long time ago.
Riding the corona of the edge,
I shy away in fear of the unknown and and yearn for the change
at the same time.
Reiterations of the same.
I see an old bowl,
like something from Apocalypse Now,
waiting to dissolve.
This hasn’t happened before.
Fear and desire and Awareness appear in the same place.
I’m remembering that I really don’t know what life is.
My memory was fooling me.
The next move
Unlike anything I’ve ever known.
A giving up of
the way I thought the physical world worked.
all tight inside.
How did all these pieces constellate?
I thought I knew exactly where I was going,
but I didn’t know.
I thought I was driving towards
inner healing and personal sovereignty.
I thought I was driving my own train,
but somebody else has been oiling the cogs.
Like a candle in the darkness,
we think we are the light.
We are the wide, boundless darkness.
The world stretches out in us
and around us.
We’re no longer on a straight path.
We’re in the round bowl of the world.
Weird feelings of
acting an old way
looking to the future,
holding old chains,
afraid to let them dissolve into the firmament,
trying to be there.
Something’s about to break.
You’re trying to scoop me out.
My ego doesn’t like this.
But my soul and body are tired.
You’re trying to blow me away
into the wide bowl of the World.
Vulnerability, magnanimity, wideness, stillness,
and a bunch of other crazy hooligans I don’t know!
Asking you why it’s such a struggle,
You say it’s because I want the fight.
I like my old trash and all the crustiness.
and yet you dare
to show me signs of Wholeness?!
Well, you Royal Smartass and Divine Pain in the Butt,
I’ve been down this road before.
That glimmer of the glittering image
Is this Thing
really worth all the
surgery we’re about to do?
I suppose I gave you my consent form somewhere,
signed a silent X in my dreams.
I suppose it’s worth it
Isn’t it, Doc?
When you find the emptiness inside yourself, black and stark,
don’t think you are worthless!
There is the place to find the Friend!
Oh, you’re so lovely I could break!
With all your garlands of soft flowers
your soft and colorful fabrics,
You’re the most approachable form of God.
So gentle, I could cry.
So much love.
I start to feel it in my own chest,
it scares me.
What if my ego breaks?
My container has been so small,
and now you’re coming to me?
Do you think I can hold That?!
my heart becomes as big as my body,
someone uses me and I’m not safe anymore?
God Most Approachable,
I’m asking you this.
wants an answer from Big Soul.
Before I roll out on the town with you,
it’s high time
You give me an answer and
soothe my fearful mind!
When the Universe comes knocking,
We pull out the shiny red car from the old garage
We put streamers and bells and whistles on it.
We move over to the passenger seat,
And with a big, relieved grin, we say,
“Baby, you drive!”