The energy of Life flows through me
like a fucking eternal fire.
I’m literally shaking with it,
little, pregnant tremors in my hands and soul.
This is the first time for me.
I don’t know what to do.
I feel the boundaries wanting to snap,
needing to be broken
like a dam of logs in a river.
The water fills up over the brim,
a stick in the dam shakes out.
It’s already broken, already running swift.
Pull me, pull me, pull me!
Float me swiftly with you!
That’s all there is now.
That’s all we can do!
I am an idiot walking through a Divine world.
How is it that the world around me
has suddenly become so beautiful?
So full of Soul and Life?
I don’t know.
I never knew.
The grace of the Gods makes my heart break.
Did I know that They were tinkering away
for my vitality,
years before I even asked or knew what I wanted?
Suddenly, the magnitude of all Their small graces
hits me full on
like a train of blooming flowers softly denting me.
They knew without me knowing.
They were there for me years before I asked.
The magnitude of the World’s grace is overwhelming.
The realization burns in my heart like bittersweet honey.
I cry in joy and I weep, helpless, gasping for air.
What They’ve orchestrated is so custom-made, it’s ridiculous!
We talk for hours into the night.
A lotus candle burns.
Who is Shams?
And who is Jalal’udin?
We are both the Beloved One.
God’s been harassing me lately.
He plays tricks with my mind.
I see people who aren’t really there.
The Cheeky Bastard has suddenly
gone beyond cheeky.
He’s been heckling me,
walking around with a
wily, knowing smile on his face
and the gleam of stars in his eyes.
And he’s been going around like
a lawless, wild bastard,
smoking, what, ganja?
Rolling around the known world with his
disheveled self and his messy cahoots.
Been showing me crazy shit,
and speaking truths my self of yesterday
would have thought were heresy.
Let’s get on with this destruction,
the Joy requires this again and again
like a gently revolving wooden spoked wheel.
It’s never a surrender to anyone out there.
Don’t ever give yourself in to objects and men.
It’s a surrender
to the silks
to the veils
to your human nature.
and to ease.
We don’t have to fight it inside any longer!
I sit still on the side of a dusty street, full of people passing.
I am neither woman nor man.
I am neither young nor old.
On my forehead is the three line ash marks,
On my arms, too.
I am waiting for Bhairav.
I am waiting for all the old lines and bondages to dissolve.
I am waiting for the guard of the boundaries to open the door.
When the mind is ready,
The Dharmapala becomes the Dwara,
The Guard of the Field becomes the Door-Opener.
This is scaring me, yet
Let Distinction die!
Let knowledge die!
And what of fear?
No one needs protection in the world of Bhairav!
He doesn’t come to scare!
He comes to churn and tear tiny old weaves apart.
Who am I, Lalla?
You’ve been fooling me,
making me think
I was a small self.
You let me have all these problems, Scoundrel!
Just a pinhole lens!
Thanks for letting me know I’m human, Friend.
What ground is there
when I don’t latch onto problems anymore?
What is there to hold onto, Lalla?
Your peace is scaring me,
drawing me out of myself.
Your wide continent is too new.
You’re making my heart shake, Lalla!